Wednesday, October 04, 2006
i was stunned by your sms.
you had to be that wave,
that passed by swiftly yet momentarily,
unknowingly leaving traces behind,
memories of you will be etched forever in my mind.
upon letting out the pains of your heart,
erasing her from your world you claim,
blind folding me with the perfect you.
but in the end it all spilled out.
it turned from a utopia to an utterly cold island.
once,white shrouded clouds flutter by,
falsely suggesting the utmost desired peace.
now its all gone,letting out the blinding sun, the ugly lies,
distorted truths lay out one after one,
each not failing to hurt me,
all putting a sudden halt to my life,
destroying me.
you were my everything,
you were my core, my breath, my voice.
so insignificant yet so very important.
your honesty and straight forwardness touched me,
your sweet words moved me,
you brought smiles to my face,
&my perfect impression of you turned out to be an illusion.
you crumpled my life, just like a piece of paper
just like a beautiful origami work reduced to a ball of pulp.
blaming the fact we're from two different worlds,
total separate lives we lead.
tears, i held back.
for the fact that i still think you would be there
for me.
your words rung through and through
when you said
"im thinking and loving her more than ever more than anyone"
did you think about my feelings?
when you said
"dont worry i wont miss you cause i am too crazy over her"
did you think about ME?
for a moment i feel i hate you.
for the next, i dont know.
the words stung,
leaving those open wounds to burn.
&you're leaving them just like that.
you're leaving me just like that.
i dont know how you see me.
merely as your little sister?
merely as your confider?
merely as your listener?
or as the person who would stupidly no fail await your smses daily.
im tired.
so i ask myself if its all worth it
to give everything now.
to stop the chase,
to forget about you,
to stop my breath.
so long. forever.